Sunday, October 2, 2016

Great moments in patriotic sporting events

As of last summer, here's about all I could have told you about the Ryder Cup:
1. It is golf*.
2. The iteration played a couple of years ago became known, if you're European, as "The Miracle at Medinah", but if you're American, as "The Meltdown at Medinah".  Apparently we lost in crushing fashion.  Medinah is somewhere in the United States but I can't be more specific than that.

 Then last fall, I found out that the 2016 Ryder Cup was going to be held in Chaska, on a course about an hour from my house.  On a whim, I signed up for the ticket lottery.  I've never been to a golf tournament, and I certainly didn't feel qualified to attend something as prestigious as the Ryder Cup, but signing up for the ticket lottery was free so what the heck.

 A short time later I received an email outlining the ticket lottery procedures.  Due to the extreme demand for tickets, a random selection process would take place to determine who would have an opportunity to purchase tickets.  If I was lucky enough to get selected, I would be assigned to a group and given a window to purchase from whatever tickets were still available.

 Two long months went by, but in early December I got a congratulatory email from the PGA, informing me that my registration had been chosen from the waitlist!  And placed in Group K!  My window to purchase tickets would open the following Wednesday!!!

 I got to work assembling my entourage.  Emily was immediately on board with going, if for no other reason than, quote: "That Rory, he's adooooorable!"  Mike and Kiki, legit golf enthusiasts, were also in.

 I also invited a friend(?) who loves golf more than anyone I've ever met.  Loves watching it, loves playing it, everything.  When we met, and for several months afterward, both his Twitter bio and header pictures were of him golfing**.  In July of this year, he wrote a long form, minute-by-minute account of the Open Championship.  He even spearheaded a (one-man) campaign to get his favorite golfer named to the Ryder Cup team.  So yeah, he really, really likes golf and...he turned me down.  This made me feel as pathetic as Jordan Spieth at the 2016 Masters.  If you don't speak golf, Jordan Spieth at the 2016 Masters translates to major loser***.

 Fine, whatever, I'd only be allowed to purchase four tickets per session anyway.  Wednesday arrived and I surreptitiously snuck my phone out during the mandatory work meeting I was forced to attend enjoying and fully engaged in because work is awesome!  I logged on to the PGA ticketing web site and somehow, even all the way down in Group K, was able to select four all-day passes for the Saturday session.  I could barely believe my luck, and completed the transaction as quickly as possible.

 And so that is how I found myself wearing red, white and blue Zubaz, waiting in line for the complimentary Ryder Cup shuttle bus, just before 7:00am, with an astonishingly but perhaps not unexpectedly high number of white people****.

 Oh, the Zubaz.  Let me explain.






 In the end, we agreed these kitten shirts were both fiercely patriotic and fiercely adorable, and the Zubaz were just straight up fierce.  


Okay, so the shuttle bus drove through the corn fields of southern Minnesota, and dropped us off at Hazeltine National Golf Club.  At this point, I was really relying on Mike to take the lead, as this was maybe the third time in my life I've been on a regulation (i.e. non-mini) golf course.  Thankfully he was up to the task.  We got the Ryder Cup app to work just long enough to pull up a course map, and set off to the far end of the first hole, which was pretty cool.  

I believe that's either Jimmy Walker or Zach Johnson teeing off there.  But to be honest I can't be sure; I should have taken notes while I was out there because the zoom on the iPhone***** leaves much to be desired.  

 Mike strategized that it was early enough to head to one of the mid-course holes and maybe beat some of the other fans to a good viewing spot.  We selected Hole 8, both because the hole was mid-course and short enough to see both the tee shots and the green, and because we were able to find it.  This turned out to be a great decision, and I'd have to say our time at Hole 8 was my favorite part of the day.  

 We did get a good viewing spot, and the hole layout was really very pretty-

It provided our first glimpse of the aforementioned Rory McIlroy-

We got to cheer and get just a little rowdy when Phil Mickelson drained this 50 foot putt-




 And then we got to watch what we're pretty sure was Phil chastising Rickie Fowler for setting up such a difficult putt in the first place-

Fun times.

 (Full disclosure- Hole 8 was not Mike's favorite hole of the day.  He was very concerned that the antennae on my star-spangled head band were blocking other people's view, and did not think that my response of "well then they should have gotten here early enough to not be behind me" justified my not taking the headband off.)  (I mean, it is possible that he was mostly concerned that the antennae were blocking his view.)

After Hole 8, we headed toward Hole 16.  Alas, so did everyone else.  So we went to Hole 17 instead.  This was actually pretty great because we were able to stand right up against the rope, fairly close to the tee box.  Hole 17 is where we spied team captain Davis Love III and his sweet red kicks (seen here ignoring the crowd and probably doing something extremely vital to ensuring team success on his phone.) 

We also got to see Jordan Spieth and Patrick Reed lose this hole to Sergio Garcia and Rafa Cabrera Bello, which I'm sure had nothing to do with Tiger Woods lurking judgingly in the background the whole time.  

And thus ended the morning rounds.

 We headed next to Hole 7.  Since there was a break and it would be quite some time before the players arrived for their afternoon four-ball matches, we figured we could secure a good spot, and have some lunch and a nice little sit while we waited for play to resume.  The thing is, a lot of other people figured that too.  So we secured an okay spot.  It was not right up against the rope as we would have liked, but it was sort of in the middle so we could in theory see the entire hole.  (In actual practice, other peoples' heads made it kind of difficult to see the tee shots, but, to an earlier point, if I wanted to see that badly, maybe I should have gotten there early enough to not be behind them.)

 Hole 7 was neat because apparently it's Hazeltine's iconic hole.  And it's position along a creek and right up against the lake did make for a beautiful scene.  So it's no surprise that this is where we saw the bald eagle****** flying around.

Oh, you can't see the eagle because the zoom is so terrible?  No problem, I got you.

The fairway's position between the creek and the lake provided for some excitement as three (yes, 3!) different golfers sent their balls for a swim.  One of those golfers was Jordan Spieth, and his ball landed just beyond our field of vision, prompting one of the women beside us to ask her taller friends, repeatedly, "It's wet, but is it wet-wet?".  I didn't know if this was actual golf terminology, but it wasn't a good time to ask Mike.  He was busy using all of his patience not to get into a fight with the jabbermouths behind us- you know, the total bros to whom at one point he literally had to say "Look, I really want to be friends with you guys, but if you don't stop with the stupid comments, I'm not sure that's going to happen."

 Fun times.  

 After the action at Hole 7, we made our way back to the...well, to be honest I'm still not real sure on the layout of the course.  We tried to go to Hole 16 but once again it was, like, totes super-popular and there was not a good spot for us anywhere.  So we went back to Hole 17, this time closer to the green.  Emily had to leave around then to go to a wedding, which left Mike to save our spots while Kiki and I did some damage in the Ryder Cup gift shop.  I am wearing my new Captain's Pick t-shirt as I type this, and I can humbly report that I look great.

 The nice thing about attending a nationally-televised event is that there are cameramen on hand to capture all of your precious memories.  In this case, when play resumed on Hole 17, the excellent NBC Sports staff caught this great shot of me with my new friend Rory.


They were also able to capture Ryan Moore, J.B. Holmes and I celebrating together after the two of them won the hole.

Ryan and J.B. would go on to win their match, and as you may know the U.S. would go on to win the whole tournament, and I can't help but think that we were probably the good luck charms that made all the difference.

 In conclusion, here are some key takeaways from my Ryder Cup experience:

  • Rory McIlroy is much smaller than I thought he would be.  Like, I hate to make the obvious and stereotypical leprechaun connection, and yet stereotypes exist for a reason.
  • Emily is capable of displaying remarkable restraint, as evidenced by her only whispering "Somebody's closer!" maybe four times.
  • On the whole, I still think fall is only the third-best season.  But the weather on days like yesterday is hard to beat.
  • Patrick Reed.  So much enthusiasm.  Respect.
  • Friend(?) is clearly either a funhater or a terrible decision maker, or possibly both.
  • There are no commercials if you're attending a golf event live, but also nobody telling you who took the last shot or what number shot they're actually on, so it's hard to keep track of what's happening, but if you ever find yourself in such a situation you can just clap when the rest of the crowd claps and you'll be fine.

Thank you Emily, Mike and Kiki for accompanying me.  I had such a blast and feel really fortunate to have gotten to go, and to have been able to share such an awesome experience with some of my favorite people.  Is it too early to start planning our outfits for next summer's US Open at Erin Hills???



*At my Sports Jeopardy audition, the last question I got during the mock game was something like "This event pits American and European golfers against each other every two years."  I had already messed up a question about the Davis Cup (saying it was golf instead of tennis) so I was determined to make up for it on this one.  Except that I buzzed in before I had fully thought things through.  The answer came out something like "What is...the...Ryyyyyyder Cup???"

 **And, as an aside, both pictures were from the back so for quite some time I was not 100% certain who I was tweeting with.

 ***See what I did there?  Golf, major...get it?!?!

 ****I am not kidding.  I think we saw three black people all day- Tiger Woods, Darius Rucker aka Hootie of Blowfish fame, and Michael Jordan.  And I can't even really count Michael Jordan myself because only Mike saw him.

 *****You know what zoom doesn't leave much to be desired?  My camera.  You know what wasn't allowed into the Ryder Cup on Friday, Saturday or Sunday?  My camera.  You know what had to be run back to the car when we got to security?  My camera.

 ******Also an extremely good omen for an eventual American victory, right?!
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