Things I Learned While Traveling in China

1. Given the choice between authentic Chinese food and spaghetti, Mom
will pick spaghetti every time.

2. The iPhone 4S has remarkable battery life when left in airplane mode
for two and a half weeks.

3. Puns on the Disneyland Jungle Cruise are funny in every language.

4. I am half-baked. According to Chinese legend, there are three races
in the world, and they were created when a goddess baked people out of
clay. Caucasians = under-cooked, Africans = over-cooked, and Asians =
perfectly baked.

5. There are places in the world without Diet Coke. Be thankful for
all of your freedoms, Americans.

6. Xi'an is ancient Mandarin for "sandy shit-hole in middle of China".

7. Nothing makes you appreciate a reclining sofa more than a 14-hour
plane flight.

8. State Fair on Labor Day is not crowded. Times Square on New Year's
Eve is not crowded. The Mall of America the day after Thanksgiving is
not crowded. You haven't seen crowded until you've ridden on a Beijing
subway on a Sunday afternoon.

9. There's no end to the number of dam jokes one can make about a dam tour.

10. If it's made of tofu and looks like a bathtub mat, it will taste
like a bathtub mat.